The Fearful Disciples

Sharing the Good News today.

As I sat in church today, I was inspired to share this post and then of course I came home and didn’t write it up. You know those little God moments that fade as soon as they come and you dismiss them as not real.

Today, is different though. You see, I have my fire back. In church, our pastor, I’ll use the word pastor instead of priest to not alienate my non-Catholic friends. Anyhow, our pastor gave one of those gospels that you just know the Holy Spirit is talking right to you.

This is going to be long, but I hope you will hear the Holy Spirit today as well, if you take the time to read this.

Let me step back a little with some background.

Sometime during Lent, maybe the second week. Not quite sure the exact date. I decided to start back with my meditation. This time though, I really wanted to bring God into that time. So, I did a little search for a Bible Meditation podcast and found one. (Here’s a link to the one I’ve been following. I really like it. Bible Meditation Podcast)

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I decided I was going to start doing this every day even if I felt like it was pointless, or God wasn’t there I was doing it anyway. Sometime shortly after I wanted a little more so I started praying the rosary every day. I think I’m past a month of doing this now, but not 100% sure and honestly it doesn’t matter.

My faith is a struggle

So, you all are clear, my faith is a struggle. I miss the days of being like a child and just always believing. I’m like you, and others and have moments that I think who am I kidding? Jesus isn’t with us anymore. God’s not really here, but then there are days like today that I hear his voice loud and clear and he speaks to my heart.

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My faith has always been strong in regard to my children. I’ve never once worried about providing them and quite literally handed my fertility over to God for a long time. I tell everyone we were on the as many kids as God gives us plan until I got to number 6 and then I started using natural family planning to slow things down because um, yes. I was quite blessed.

Okay, back to the gospel.

Or wait.

One more thing in the stepping back a little.

So, what prompted me to work on my spiritual life again in the first place.

My yoga. Don’t laugh. So I was sitting there doing a stretch one day and was able to turn my wrists around and also able to touch and hold my toes. I’m telling you when I started this I could get about mid-shin. There I was mid-stretch looking at my wrists flipped around backwards and thinking “Girl, if you can flip your hands around backwards with daily practice why can’t you give those 5 minutes to God. What could he do for you if you invested those 5 to 10 minutes of daily stretching to him?”

So… okay now onto the Gospel.

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Today’s Gospel was over John 20:19-31

John 20: 19-31 (New International Version)

Jesus Appears to His Disciples
19 On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.
21 Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” 22 And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

Jesus Appears to Thomas
24 Now Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”
But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

The Purpose of John’s Gospel
30 Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. 31 But these are written that you may believe[b] that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

I have very often related to this story. It is soooooo hard to believe without seeing and we dismiss the little things like what happened in today’s sermon as being in your head.

Finding my fire again

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Okay, now I have just really, truly found my fire and passion again and want to put a genuine effort into building this blog, as well as my Beachbody business. However, this blog is NOT about Beachbody. It is about me – sharing of myself, giving of myself, inspiring, motivating, and challenging myself and others.

It’s about running, nutrition, health, but more than that. It’s also about sharing my faith and my love for Christ that sometimes I suck at.

I’m horrid example of a Christian. I swear like a sailor – although I am diligently trying to break that habit because doesn’t reflect the person I am becoming.

So today’s Gospel Father Anthony, I love him, talked about the fearful disciples and how they were locked in this room and afraid. He related this to us, and our fear of others and our fear of sharing our talents for what others might think. I swear I started feeling tears dripping from my face. I thought right there the Holy Spirit was speaking directly to me.

I could go on, but I’m going to screw up his beautiful homily if I do. I am going to share the being fearful part of sharing my talents though.

I know what my strengths are. (I also know what my weaknesses are and telling me them over and over again only helps me so much – I work on them constantly.) My talents are my perseverance, my charisma, my heart, and my ability to connect to, motivate and inspire others.

So today, I am telling you that I am not fearful. (Well, a little bit.) I have a God that speaks to me, that encourages me, that loves me, and that believes in me.

Every single thing that I have accomplished has been through him and today I just wanted to share my little God moment and not dismiss it.

May you have a blessed week!

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